“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?” – Mary Manin Morrissey
When I stop to think of all the way I’ve allowed fear to dictate my life – not doing a SR. Recital, not taking that job offer, not allowing myself to fall in love when the opportunity was ripe, not doing this and that and all the other things…well, it has in the past brought on quite a bit of shame (which is an entirely different blog post for another day.)
The thing about fear is that we’ve been conditioned to believe that it’s a good thing. It keeps us safe and alive and healthy to face the challenges of tomorrow. All that was necessarily true…10,000 years ago.
Back then, every day brought challenges that often could result in death, which was, needless to say, bad for you and bad for your tribe.
Today though, unless you’re Evil Kenevil, our lives are much less dangerous and as such, fear isn’t as necessary an emotional response.
We don’t have to worry about encountering a life threatening situations every day. Surely there are those who still do and God bless them: the Police, Fire Fighters, the Military- not to forget those who live in war zones, and refugees because they do. But I know you hear me.
In general, fear isn’t as necessary a part of our Daily Operating System (DOS) as it used to be.
So why then, do we still fear?
Because: Resistance to change. Change forces us out of our comfort zones (our DOS – and before you say, “Hey, I’m not comfortable in my zone.” I’m willing to argue that you are… you may just not be happy.)
Change shakes our world up – and that can be terrifying at most and mildly irritating at least and when your used to your daily grind, resistance to it changing comes up.
Resistance to change is why dieters sabotage their own weight loss and why people stay in jobs may not be as passionate about as before. Resistance to change is why people stay in unhealthy relationships. Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t, right?
Well, if you expect devils everyday, you get devils. No ifs ands or buts about it. That’s truth all day long.
But what if…? There’s always all the what if’s. That’s your ego saying,”No! I am me and we are not changing. THIS IS WHO I AM!” And that’s fear talking because any challenge to the ego threatens it’s identity and thus, it’s relationship to everything. It’s why stubborn people are stubborn. But if you want to grow and I believe that’s why we’re here, you have to look the fear right in the eyes and say:
“Hey, I see you. I feel you and I acknowledge your value in my life. I love you. Thank you for showing me what might happen. Now let’s face this together.”
And that, my friends, is the beginning of trust and trust is the beginning of self love.
Change is ALWAYS an opportunity to grow. Letting fear go isn’t about being free of fear. It isn’t about never being scared again. It’s about realizing that fear has its place and it should stay in its place.
Often times we pick it up off its shelf and carry it around with us. We become attached to it, identified with it and as such, it becomes an addiction, like happiness or amorous love.
When we carry fear in our hearts, anxiety takes hold which keeps us not just fearful but fearful of every situation which can possibly arise. Anxiety feeds the what if’s.
People with particularly strong imaginations are significantly more susceptible to anxiety because their imagination creates universe after universe which play out all the ways a particular fear might manifest.
It’s rabbit hole after nightmare rabbit hole and we’re just chasing these demon rabbits when our fear should be telling us to run from them! So why do we chase them?
Anxiety is an addiction too, to be sure and all the while we’re creating these scenarios we empower them to manifest here and now. Matter of fact, we become so good at it that our lives become one self-fulfilling prophecy after another.
So, rather than manifesting nightmares what if we manifested our wildest dreams instead? That’s a topic we’ll tackle in another post.
I want to leave you with this today:
We tend to think that fear keeps us safe but really, it just keeps us. It keeps us from moving forward or upwards or onwards. There is nothing to be afraid of.