#nomorefear

…Here we go!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

Hi, I’m Joshua Taylor, Head Cheerleader, Homecoming Queen and Part Time Model. (Brownie points if you catch the reference.) In 2018, I made the choice to change and with the help of a wonderful friend and the support of my family, and friends, new and old, I started what I thought would be a casual weight loss journey. LoL Boy, how wrong I was!

I’m an emotional eater, and I learned from a family of true southern cooks that if there’s anything can make you feel better, it’s food. And it did!

It didn’t matter what I was feeling: if I was happy, I ate. Sad? Let’s Eat! Apathetic? Ok, Eat! And before I knew it I was 37 years old and 370 lbs.

And I was sad. Matter of fact, I was so used to being sad that I didn’t even realize how sad I was.

Now, this blog won’t one big long sob story, I promise. But you have to climb the mountain before you get to the top. 🏔

There’s also gonna be a lot of sharing here. Sharing that, before now, I would have never allowed of myself because being fat means people don’t “see” you. They just “see” your fat and in that place you get to hide.

The irony here, or course, is that they see everything you think you’re hiding too.

Also, I’m an out, proud gay man since 1999. Being gay and fat can really do number on you too but that’s for another post.

At any rate, I started this journey last year out of an intense desire to have better in my life and be better for my family and friends. I wanted to be better for me because I knew I was sick and tired of being what I was.

So, I went to see my friend, and he showed me a way I could do this… Ketogenic Nutrition. He’d had amazing results on Keto and so I got to work on it. That was February 2018 and by May, I had lost about 60 lbs!

Loosing weight is like peeling an onion. And for shiny, happy people, there’s just more onion the deeper you go. God bless them for having their shit together! For an emotional eater like me, though, each layer you peel off reveals hurt after hurt. And if my experience is true of others, Fat people are rarely ever fat BECAUSE they’re happy.

Now, I’m not saying that’s true across the board. There are overweight people who are genuinely happy. There are overweight people who make it their job to be happy because they live in a world that tells them that they can’t be both. I’m talking to you, my Body Positive Brothers and Sisters. ✊🏼 And I’m not here to question anyone’s authenticity. Live your best life!

I’m here to question mine.

So, layer after layer peeled away and hurt after hurt welled up. It’s miracle that I didn’t go back to the way I used to handle my pain (cookies, cakes and candy.) Because had I, this blog would be my “Fat and Sassy” blog and every word I typed would be a lie.

But I didn’t, thank God. Instead, I went to the gym and found a counselor.

The gym became a wonderful therapy for me because it gave me an outlet and a means to focus. Change the things you can change, right? Plus I knew that if I didn’t start working out, I’d have issues with loose skin which, being the vain, gay man I am, would be counter productive to the summer beach body I’ve always wanted. LoL

I’m one of the lucky ones. I started my gymlife with an Introduction to Weight Training class and the people in that class and the gym members already in there quickly became 1. Accountability Partners to me and 2. New Friends. We supported one another. And we continue to support one another.

My family has also been so supportive during this past year and I’m so blessed by them.

There are beautiful, chubby folks reading this who may have decided to start a similar journey in 2019 and if you do, my first bit of advice to you:

If you can help it, don’t do this alone. Join a class or boot camp. Do it with other people.

You’re going to need their emotional support and they’re going to need yours. It’s just better when you have someone to complain with after you’ve done a 4x set of Weighted Walking Lunges.

And if you’re an emotional eater like me, my second bit of advice is:

Start this journey with a counselor in your pocket. You’re gonna need them.

You see, when the food is gone, you have to start really dealing with your shit. Let me say that again:

YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT!

Your counselor will keep you on track to make sure you don’t transfer your food addiction to other more unhealthy addictions and they’re going to give you the tools you need to make sure you process and release that stuff.

Cause, guess what? All that stuff is why you started overeating in the first place!

To be honest, I probably need to go back to see mine. I believe everyone should be in some form of therapy but that’s another blog too.

But I’ve got the tools or some tools to help me sort a lot of that shhh out. Primarily, Mindfulness, which helps me be more present – when I’m being mindful, rather than overthinking things. We’re going to talk more about mindfulness later too.

The point:

Here I am, 100 lbs lighter and my question is: Is this where I stay or do I really go for it?

My life has been a study in fear and I’m claiming the rest of the time I have for me. So this blog/vlog will be me, getting out there, being vulnerable and letting it all go.

I’m not a trainer so I won’t be sharing workout tips but I might show you around the gym. I’m not a nutritionist, so while you might hear about what I’m eating I won’t be telling you what to eat.

This is just gonna be me, being real with you about my valleys and mountains. There’s gonna be some soul stuff and some mind stuff and some fun stuff. But it’s all gonna be real. Because a weight loss/body transformation journey isn’t just about the body. It’s about the Mind, Body, and Soul.

So, buckle up, and welcome to my 2.0 life.

Love,

Joshua T.

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